Vaccines Satire

By: Ella

A new study from the Vaccines for the Ignorant campaign revealed the correlation between the outbreak of measles and the sales of essential oils. The long held belief that essential oils can cure illnesses holds strong even in 2019. This begs the question: how can anyone in this modern age still believe that essential oils are capable of warding off deadly diseases that are 100% preventable?

The answer is that essential oils TOTALLY work, and vaccines are OBVIOUSLY pumping your bodies full of poison.

“Vaccines contain mercury! Essential oils contain flowers and natural substances. How difficult is it to choose between the two? Are you going to fill your child up with mercury and bacteria or are you going to take the godly choice and let your child live a natural life?” said Amy Turner, a mother of three and an avid vaccine denier. She has been living a natural life after vaccines almost made her brother “catch” autism when he was young.

According to healingourchildren.org, a website with very few medical sources and a very active facebook group (where they gather most of their information), vaccines have numerous problems. Vaccines contain mercury and aluminum, and one of the most intense side effects is how vaccines allegedly cause autism. Autism is noticeably absent in children in Amish communities. Surely that’s NOT because of the lack of research on autism in Amish communities and capable psychiatrists and therapists in Amish settlements, but can only attributed to the fact that they don’t vaccinate!

Vaccines, which UNICEF says saves 9 million lives a year,, also invade the immune system, quickly introducing bacteria that overwhelms the body to deadly viruses and diseases; they can lower the immune system’s ability to fight diseases in the short run. They’re can kill the host quickly, and it’s most dangerous for children. Why would you ever vaccinate your child if it means putting them at RISK! That’s just science. Don’t mention protection from measles, tetanus and diphtheria, all that matters is that our children don’t have inactive viruses in their body due to vaccines.

Essential oils fight away illnesses like the flu and the common cold. If they can suppress stomach bugs and sniffles alike, who’s to say that lavender and sage can’t fight back the measles and mumps? Scientists who supposedly “devote their lives to the study of making our world a safer place” are just spewing lies and trying to promote the vaccine industry. Vaccines are expensive, dangerous, and simply used for money.

After Montana’s recent failed attempt to make vaccines easier to avoid, it’s a shame the world is still protected from deadly diseases… The recent ruling to make vaccines a religious choice was turned down by the house, so unfortunately, Montanans are now stuck insuring their children have a long, healthy, happy life.